Successful Second Marriages Blog
We help remarried mid-life couples beat the 65% divorce rate, create beautiful marriages and live happily ever after together.
7 Questions To Find Out If Your Marriage is Disconnected
Inside: Find out the questions to help you reconnect and re-energize your second marriage.
You're a couple of years into your second marriage.
You've both got your careers.
Your dream retirement lifestyle is on the horizon.
Yet things feel a little scarier, like what if this marriage doesn't work out...
If you're like Kathy and Mike Anderson, you may find yourself living parallel lives without much connection to each other. "Between our careers and our grandchildren, we're rarely in the house at the same time theses days," says Kathy who's been married to Mike for just over three years.
"When we are at home at the same time, Mike is watching TV downstairs and I'm reading in the bedroom alone."
Kathy began to wonder if there was something "more" out there for her than her boring marriage. She didn't really want to get divorced again but she didn't know how to fix her already sagging second marriage and Mike seemed to content to spend his time watching reality garage shows.
The increase of grey divorce (later in life divorce) among baby boomers is growing every year. It is especially rampant amongst the couples who are remarrying at a later age. Divorce leads to economic hardship, reduced life spans, poor health and loneliness. As someone who has gone through divorce after a long term marriage, we know these first hand.
It does not need to happen to you!
Ask Yourself These 7 Scary Questions
1. Are your conversations mired deep in boring ruts of the mundane?
2. Have you run out of things to chat about?
3. Do you miss the days when you asked each other everything, thirsting to know all the details of your new love?
4. Is your daily conversation a rerun of the day before, the week before and the year before?
5. Do you feel like your spouse has become a stranger?
6. Are you ready to scream if you hear his or her “stories” one more time?
7. Do you feel like your spouse natters about nothing?
If you answered YES to any of these questions, beware! Your marriage may be in danger of disconnection.
Some people misinterpret disconnection as falling out of love and imagine that they have grown so far apart that they might as well move on and find someone more interesting.
Disconnection or Connection
Disconnection is not a sign that it is time to trade in your spouse for a new model. Instead, it is time to recognize that things have become stagnant and to do something about the situation.
It is a time to revitalize your relationship.
It's time to rediscover the happiness and love you once both shared.
Feeling connected with your mate is one of the most important elements for a successful and long term happy marriage. It is even more important than talking with each other.
When you feel connected to your partner, your communication is easier. Your time spent together more enjoyable. The quality of your life feels sweeter and more fulfilling.
How Do You Start Re-Connecting?
If you've been feeling disconnected for a while, it may feel a bit awkward to know where to start regaining the love your once shared. In our Successful Second Marriages program we have couples work through 25 reconnection questions.
Here are three of our favorite questions you can start using today:
- What are three things we have in common?
- What is one new thing you would like to learn?
- What is the best advice you've ever received?
When Kathy first started asking Mike these questions, he was annoyed, he felt that there was nothing wrong with their marriage. Kathy instead saved the questions for a long distance drive they took to visit her mother. In the coziness of the car, it was easier to talk about the questions as they sat side by side.
Your spouse is always growing and changing, even if you do not notice, or do not think that they possibly can change after all these years. As new life situations come up, you each deal with them in your own way and the process changes you both.
The beautiful thing about creating a beautiful second marriage is that both of you can grow, change and become something new together.
Even in the relatively short time since you met each other, you and your spouse are already different people. Remarriage creates change!
Surprise! You Don't Know Everything
You may think you know everything about your partner. After all, you have been finishing each other’s sentences for the past couple of years. You may think you have nothing left to talk about. Not true!
Asking and answering reconnection questions will help you share with each other interesting details that may spark deep discussions. You will probably be surprised to find out the answers to some of these questions. For Mike and Kathy, the 25 questions sparked new life into their relationship and brought much needed closeness and laughter that they had let slip away.
New adventures are waiting as you leave behind your single lives and start moving towards a new chapter in your life. It is time to get your relationship ready for the challenges that lie ahead.
It is very similar to when you were expecting your first baby. You knew things were going to change.
You did not realize how much.
Be prepared to navigate this new and exciting journey. Ensure that your marriage relationship survives as you move into this new phase. Studies show that second marriages are likely to fall about within the first five years.
Join the discussion! Pop on into our Facebook Group and let's chat about disconnection and reconnection.
We believe that second (or third) marriages can be filled with love and happiness!
You can learn the skills and tools to make your marriage your forever marriage!
Here's a free ebook for you that we think you'll love.
with love
Barry and J'Anne ♥
Transformational Marriage Mentors
