Successful Second Marriages Blog

We help remarried mid-life couples beat the 65% divorce rate, create beautiful marriages and live happily ever after together.

Romance Your Marriage with Love Tokens

A love token is a keepsake that you give to your spouse as a tangible symbol of your thoughtfulness and desire to please them.

 

It doesn't necessarily have a cost in monetary value. Its value comes from the attention and energy you put forth to please your mate.

One day when we were staying at a mountain cabin, I came out of the shower in the early morning to discover that Barry had gone outside and picked a bouquet of daisies from a field near our place.

He had put them in a water pitcher and left them on the counter for me to find. I treasure that memory of his little gift of love. (I love the long stems of grass and leaves that he added to the bouquet!)

This sweet gift didn't cost Barry any money, just some thought and effort to give a small token of his love.

What is a Love Token?

Rather than just calling a gift a gift, we decided to call it a love token. A love token is a keepsake that you give to your spouse as a tangible symbol of your thoughtfulness and desire to please them.

It doesn't necessarily have a cost in monetary value. Its value comes from the attention and energy you put forth to please your mate.

 

Gifts as Courting Rituals

Giving gifts to a loved one is an age old courting ritual. Years ago women would give their beloved a lock of their hair as a sign of their love and devotion to their beau.

When I was cleaning out my mother's things I found a lock of her hair tied in a yellow ribbon. It was surprisingly pretty and even though I thought it a bit weird, I can see the appeal of giving a curl of your hair to your beloved if he was going to be far away from you.

The Welsh have an old tradition dating back to the 1600's. A man would carve love spoons as a sign of his romantic intention.

It was important for a young man to show a girl's father that he was capable of providing for his future family with woodworking. If the young woman accepted his spoon they were considered to be a couple. (Kind of like an engagement spoon.)

These beautiful love spoons were carved by my father for my mother as love tokens for special occasions. He's not Welsh but he's definitely a romantic at heart.

 

Is Your Spouse's Love Language Gifts?

Some people love to receive gifts and value them as tokens of love. If this is your spouse's love language they may adore receiving gifts, however they probably do not need more stuff in their life. Finding gifts to give can be puzzling and frustrating, especially if your spouse is the kind of person who just buys what they want when they want.

Barry says:

I like to surprise J’Anne with little gifts.  I’ll buy her one piece of her favorite chocolate. She knows I’m thinking about her but I’m not sabotaging her healthy eating style. (Also, she won’t share her chocolate with me, so I secretly buy myself a piece too, but don’t tell her!)

When your spouse's love language is receiving gifts, an option is thoughtful gestures that show you understand them and want them to feel loved in their own language. This can be challenging to come up with ideas if it's not your own love language. (Check out our tips below!)

 

Barry and I took the Love Languages Quiz early on in our relationship and I found out that one of his dominate languages is receiving gifts.

 

If you're not sure what your love language is, or you want to know your spouse's language, we highly recommend reading the book by Gary Chapman.

In our Successful Second Marriages Program we do a deep dive into the five love languages and help you hone your skills in speaking your sweetheart's love language fluently.

 

Gift Fail

I often struggle to find the perfect gift for Barry. One year when we were dating I knew he liked hockey and thought he would love tickets to an NHL game.  I got tickets for a game between our two home teams. (I was Calgary Flames, he was Edmonton Oilers). 

That was probably the biggest flop ever! My team whumped his team 7 - 0!  I had no idea he was such a rabid hockey fan! I started to wonder if I was going to have to find my own way home. In the end he was ever the good sport and did drive me home. ;) Lesson learned!

TIP: If your spouse is someone whose dominant love language is NOT receiving gifts, they will still appreciate the sentiment if it comes from your heart.

Let your gifts be a token of your love for your spouse.

Here Are Some Ideas To Try Today

  Write a love note on a pretty piece of paper and tuck it somewhere they will find it.

♥  Write out a list of reasons why you love your mate then copy them onto little pieces of paper. Fill up a jar with the notes for them to pull out as needed.

 Buy or make paper hearts and heart attack their mirror or closet door. (Buy Valentine stickers in February!)

 Buy or make a coupon book with favors they can collect like a neck rub or 10 minutes of kissing.

 Print out a photo of you together and put it in a frame.

 Make a scrapbook or photo book of your fun memories.

 Buy matching crazy socks to wear together on a Saturday morning.

 Get a package of flower or vegetable seeds of something they love.

 Buy a pot of their favorite herbs from the farmer’s market or garden center.

 Create a playlist of their favorite songs.

 Pick or buy a single rose  or flower and place it on their night table or desk.

 Make a personalized calendar with everyone’s birthdays and special dates.

 Give a donation to their favorite charity.

 Write words of love on all the eggs in the carton.

 Write out the story of how you met in fairy tale fashion and have the ending be happily ever after.

TIP: Every time your spouse mentions something that they like or that could potentially be a gift, make a note of it in your phone. Soon you'll have a running list that you can refer to when you want to give love tokens.

Giving love tokens is a wonderful way to express your love in unique and special ways that let your spouse know that you're thinking of them.

Join the discussion! We've created a special closed Facebook group for you to have a safe and supportive place to share your ideas and concerns surrounding the unique issues specifically facing pre-retired and retired couples.

We believe that second (or third) marriages can be filled with love and happiness!

You can learn the skills and tools to make your marriage your forever marriage!

Here's a free ebook for you that we think you'll love.

 

 

127 Reasons I Love You

FREE digital book 

 

 

with love

Barry and J'Anne  
Transformational Marriage Mentors

J’Anne Monteleone is a certified Relationship Coach and Master Life Coach specializing in mentoring couples to enrich and strengthen their marriages. After spending over 30 years helping people design and build their dream homes, she’s now helping couples design and create their most important relationship: their marriage.
 
J'Anne along with her husband Barry Monteleone are certified marriage mentors and help couples transition through remarriage, empty nest and into a fulfilling and successful retirement lifestyle.
 
To see more information about Barry and J’Anne click here.

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